A great big thank you to all those that attended our brat round table discussion last week. This was by far the best attended workshop held at a Collective to date. We gave @leatherbrat some homework afterwards of writing a blog post highlighting the key take aways from the discussion. What follows is @Leatherbrat's completed homework.
I am blown away by the response to the recent Brat “round table” (there was no damn table) discussion hosted by Casa Kink. To be amongst people from such diverse origins was both exciting and intimidating! But, since my own brain out-bratted me because the ultimate Brat-Tamer snuck into the room, I feel that this blog post might serve as the dual purpose of recapping what was said and what was planned.
Firstly, allow me to acknowledge that not all the aspects covered are purely my own. I turned to a number of sources to steal other people’s words and theories to help feign some sense of articulation.
We began the discussion by trying to distinguish between a Brat and a SAM (Smart-assed masochist), but since we had at least one SAM among us, we quickly switched to distinguishing between a ‘good’ and ‘bad’ brat. We should have drawn comparisons between healthy and unhealthy bratting, but I will keep that jewel for Advanced Bratting.
So, what exactly is a Brat? In my most humble opinion, a brat is a glorious being who is capable of eliciting many smiles, eye-rolling, groans, suppressed chuckles and exasperated sighs from the right D-type. A brat is dedicated to their craft and takes pride in wielding their wit as their favorite lingerie. A healthy brat is not naughty, they are just waiting to be made to be good.
We brat as a form of defence. For some it is because we have previous trauma, for some it is because the true depth of our desires intimidate us, for others the gift of submission deserves to be earned, and for some being a brat is just so ingrained that it needs to slowly peeled away like the layers of an onion to reveal the delicate flesh beneath. Personally, I brat because my true, deep submission scares even me and has been off-putting for many potential partners. Besides, a 24/7 compliant person must be quite boring in the bedroom. Where’s the challe nge? If submission is effortlessly available at all times, how can it be truly appreciated and cherished as the gift it actually is when it is offered?
B is for behaving… after all, behaving badly is behaving too! Brats have thousands of loopholes available to them to pull shenanigans, and we certainly had a great time exploring some of those. From questioning every instruction, to correcting (or misusing) grammar, immediate obedience (without waiting for the rest of the instruction) and full-body lube. The aim of these shenanigans is to afford your D-type the opportunity to be excruciatingly specific or wickedly creative, so it is important to respect their superior intellect and give it your all. Commitment offers some interesting rewards after all.
B is also for balance: not every encounter needs to be a battle, you should try to keep it spicy by keeping your D on their toes by being the epitome of submission every now and again. No, I am not at all suggesting that you lull your D into a false sense of security from time to time.
R is for resistance – draw it out as long as you can. Wriggle, run, writhe, repeat. Bring a calculator or abacus with to keep track of the spank tally, roast your D a little if you dare. Rope springs to mind – no harm in trying to tie up your D for a nice bit of slap and tickle rodeo 😉
R is also for respect: respect for yourself and for your D’s boundaries. Consent is EVERYTHING, and if you haven’t yet had the conversation about your D’s hard limits and triggers, you have the Responsibility to have that conversation immediately. Bratting to get what you want is not necessarily the goal, the goal is to actively participate in a roleplay that ends with both parties getting satisfaction. A healthy brat knows this, and will lure the D into a space where the D has won the battle and the fun can begin. Maybe we should rather be called Battle Subs?
Healthy bratting is not mean, it’s not being an asshole and it is not about out-bratting your D. It is all about fun, and if either one of you is not having fun, it is time for a heartfelt conversation.
R is also for “reading the room”. There are times and places when bratting is not going to be okay, and a healthy brat is aware of this. Sometimes it means behaving well, and sometimes it means keeping your brattiness to whispered comments meant only for your D’s ears and not for the audience.
A is for arguing. We argue about the interpretation of instructions, we argue about the fact that whatever we did was simply logical and does not deserve punishment, but like good litigators, we argue with flair! Be subtly annoying and suspiciously sweet.
A is for anger. Brats push back, and this might anger some D’s. But the anger we play with is feigned anger and exasperation. If true, unbridled anger is emerging then it is time to step back and have some meaningful conversations. Bear in mind that Primal Play and Consensual Non-Consent are also kinks, and share many common traits with the Brat dynamic, but they are separate and should always be negotiated as such. Brat play is about taming the brat, not breaking them.
T is tease, trick, tempt and test: As a card-carrying Tease, I could do a whole weekend seminar on the art of teasing. Hell, I get wet just knowing that I have managed to tease and flirt with someone to the point that they want to cross one of their own boundaries of their own volition (i.e. I love watching ‘straight’ women question their commitment to that preference) and I carry this over into most play scenarios. Just imagine the repercussions of whispering “I can’t wait to feel you deep inside me” when, in truth, you can already feel them thrusting against your tonsils lol.
The art of trickery often requires an element of planning… getting your D to agree that you get that thing you want if you are good requires some forethought. After all, what does “good” really mean in the grand scheme of things? In this case a few minutes invested in studying the dictionary might be time well spent.
Tempting your D is the easy part… just wiggle it and they will find their target eventually. Subtly suggesting ways that they could possibly stop specific misbehaviours is a great way to start, even if the really mean D’s will make you wait weeks before they eventually “catch on”
Testing your D is a time honored tradition for brats, but one that might just end up in punishment rather than funishment, so be warned.
To conclude: What we do is called play for a reason. Sometimes it is about manipulating the pieces to win the game, shuffling along until you pass Go and earn your spanks and other times it is about seeing if the dice you rolled in your D’s undies give you the opportunity to steal a few of their pieces off the board. If it isn’t light-hearted and rewarding for all parties concerned, it is time to have some serious conversations and negotiations.
When you are lucky enough to find the right Tamer or Wrangler for you, celebrate them. Handling a brat can be a tough job, and finding someone who can not only handle it but get off on it is a thrill! Remember to reward your D by bringing your best game and wit to the dungeon. Most brat tamers love seeing the before and after of a scene… you start all feisty and full of confidence, and once you are tamed, you become a quivering mass of compliance. That’s hot, because when we are wrangled right, we submit HARD – and it’s a prize worth fighting for!
Leather brat
Reigning WC Uber-brat
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